Paradox Live Exhibition Show - Part 2
translator's note: This one has a lot of impromptu/freestyle raps, and... I wanted to finish this before I turned 45. I might come back and edit them later so they rhyme/match meter, but for now, just... just let me live my life.*
[sfx: school bell]
Satsuki: Well? Is he coming?
Hokusai: I don't see him yet.
Reo: Okay, but why do are we having to sneak around outside of our own high school? [sigh] And more than that, what does aniki want to know about Maou[1]? 'Go looking for information about TCW's Natsume Ryu. Birthplace, history, anything you can find', he said...
Satsuki: Hokusai, shouldn't you know something? You've known that weirdo for a while, haven't you?
Hokusai: Mm. We go on walks together. But, I... never really asked Ryu about anything like that... I'm sorry.
Reo: It's not your fault. And we're not supposed to let Maou know we're trying to dig up info, anyway.
Hokusai: ... ah. There he is.
Satsuki: Right! So first things first, we'll grab him, and th-- mgmmgghp!
Reo: Chill, you dumbass monkey!
Satsuki: [muffled] Stop covering my mouth!
[sfx: footsteps]
Hokusai: Shiki.
Shiki: Oh, Hokusai-kun. Reo-kun... and Satsuki-kun... are you heading to class?
Reo: Ah, no. We came today because we had a bit of business with you.
Shiki: Huh? With me?
Satsuki: [breaking free] You gotta come with us!
Shiki: -!?!
Satsuki: Well!?
Shiki: Ah-- um-- I--
Hokusai: ...! Ah, please don't run.
Shiki: [on the verge of a panic attack]
Hokusai: Wait! There's nothing to be scared of.
*
Satsuki: [drinking broth] That's so fuckin' good! The ramen here is great as usual!!
Reo: Your table manners suck, monkey boy.
Satsuki: Big ups to the chef! Tasted great as always!
Raimentei Owner: Ah. Thanks.
Satsuki: But anyway, Shiki. Why'd you run away?
Shiki: I- I'm sorry...
Reo: You think it might be because you keep frightening him, dumbass monkey?
Satsuki: Shut up, you little shit!!
Hokusai: ... heh. It's alright, Shiki. Satsuki... has a foul mouth... but he's a good boy. Okay?
Satsuki: ... my bad. I didn't mean to scare you. We've eaten together, so we're friends, after all.
Reo: There we go, Satsuki's signature "we ate together at Raimentei" friend-making logic!
Satsuki: Hah!?
Reo: [giggle] But I'm right, aren't I? We ate here with cozmez that one time, too.
Satsuki: That's not--
Hokusai: I think it's nice. To do things like this. Things we like. Doing them together. Wanting to do them together. That's... mm. I think that makes us friends.
Satsuki: Well... even so. It's not like I'm gonna eat you alive or somethin'. And you haven't even eaten anything yet! Why're you holdin' back?
Shiki: Uh-- yeah... thank you...
[sfx: Hokusai eating]
Reo: Hey, Hokusai. Can I have the quail eggs from your chuukadon~? Aaah~
Hokusai: Aaah.
[sfx: Hokusai putting a quail egg in Reo's mouth, Reo chewing]
Reo: [with full mouth] Ah, it's really good!
Shiki: But... um...
Satsuki: Huh?
Shiki: What is it... that you wanted from me...?
Shiki: Huh? What do I know about Ryu-kun?
Reo: Yep! Anything you know is fine. Where he was born, or what he'd been doing before you met-- has he told you anything?
Shiki: Why are you asking me?
Reo: Hahahah! Well... how to put this? Maou is... well, he's kinda weird, isn't he? He's a big mystery.
Shiki: He's...
Reo: So we kinda just wanna know what kind of person he really is. And... well, we're rivals too, y'know?
Satsuki: For sure!
Reo: Right~?
Satsuki and Reo: [extremely fake laughter, trailing off]
Shiki: I... don't really know much about him... when the Owner -- Saimon-sensei, I mean-- picked me up, Ryu-kun was already living at the bar. I don't know anything about before that... and I guess... I didn't ask.
Satsuki: But you guys are comrades, right?
Shiki: Yeah. Ryu-kun is... a precious comrade. And I think of him as my friend, too.
Satsuki: Then--!
Hokusai: Satsuki.
Reo: Hah... then I guess there's nothing to be done about it if you haven't been told anything. You -- quite unlike our stupid monkey friend here -- can read the room, Shiki.
Satsuki: What was that!?
Shiki: Uh... but...
Satsuki and Reo: Hm?
Shiki: Ryu-kun is very odd... and sometimes, he does weird things that worry me a lot... but I think the truth is that he's a very kind boy.
Satsuki, Reo, and Hokusai: Mm...
Shiki: Whenever I have a trap reaction, he's always... he stays with me and holds my hand. Eheheh... He says that he does it because he thinks it's interesting.
Reo: He thinks your trap reactions are... "interesting"? [laugh] Isn't that a little callous?
Shiki: Mm-mm... I don't think that's what he means. Ryu-kun... doesn't get trap reactions.
Satsuki, Reo, and Hokusai: --!
Satsuki: He doesn't get trap reactions... for real?
Shiki: Yeah. I don't exactly know why... but he's always been like that.
Satsuki, Reo, and Hokusai: ...
Ryu: Beepbeepbeep! We have an electromagnetic reading!
[sfx: door sliding open]
Ryu: Raimentei, locking on!
Satsuki, Reo, and Hokusai: Whoa--!
Shiki: Ryu-kun...!
Ryu: Ding-dong ding-dong bi~ngo! Shiki has been detected! Picking up readings for Monkey, Dog, and Pheasant as well!
Satsuki, Reo, and Hokusai: ...
Ryu: Hmmm~? What's everyone doing, all together like this?
*
Ryu: Heeeeh~? You wanted to know more about Ryu-kun, so you kidnapped Shikki?
Satsuki: We didn't kidnap nobody!
Ryu: Oh? But when Ryu-kun went to pick Shikki up, all the people at school were saying: "A bunch of scary people took him away!". Like that. So I thought that sounded super fun, so I came looking for you~!
Satsuki: With electromagnetic waves...?
Reo: [sotto voce] Hold on, dumbass monkey! Why are you letting Maou know we're investigating?!
Satsuki: [sotto voce] There's no use hiding it! We already got found out! At that point, ain't it better to just ask the guy we're supposed to be finding out about!?
Hokusai: That may be so... but locating us with electromagnetic waves... Ryu is a strange boy...
Reo: That's way past "weird"...
Satsuki: I've never seen anyone order char siu ramen without the noodles...
Ryu: Yo! Today's ramen was great~! Both noodles and pork were bari-style hard! Eating it all original style, I want to eat even more~-- ah! that's right! Mr. Monkey and his friends wanted to know about Ryu-kun, didn't they?
Satsuki: Uh- y--yeah.
Ryu: Then I'll tell you~! But in exchaaange~ will you do Ryu-kun a wittle favor~?
Satsuki: Uh... y-yeah. That doesn't sound too hard.
Ryu: Hoohoohoohoo~ For one favor, I'll answer one question! How's that sound?
Satsuki, Reo, and Hokusai: ...
Hokusai: Understood. Let's do it.
Ryu: Ya~ay~!"
*
[sfx: arcade noises]
Satsuki: So by "favor"... he meant he wanted to come to the arcade? That's... a really normal request, isn't it?
Ryu: DETECTED! Beepbeepbeepbeep!
[sfx: Ryu running away]
Shiki: Ryu-kun...! It's dangerous to run...
Ryu: Beepbeepbeepbeep~! Hey! Win at this!
Satsuki: A crane game, huh?
Reo: The prize is pretty big. And it's in a box-- is it a figure or something?
Hokusai: ... no... this is... the "Even A Total Doofus Can Make The Ultimate in Stickiness" Automatic Natto Stirrer Alpha Omega... 3.
Reo: ... what on earth...?
Ryu: Ryu-kun wants that! Want it! Want it! Want it! Want it! Want it!
Satsuki: Agh! We get it! You don't hafta yell!! ... attempts are 300 yen a pop, huh... that's steep...
[sfx: crane machine noises as Satsuki puts three 100 yen coins in, machine amping up]
Reo: Good job! You got it!
Satsuki: [in tears] It took me 6000 yen[3]...
Ryu: The Automatic Natto Stirrer Alpha Omega 3~! Oh, how I've missed you, my darling! I love you! mwahmwahmwahmwah
Satsuki: There. I got it for you. Now you have to answer a question.
Ryu: Got it!
Satsuki: Is "Natsume Ryu" your real name?
Ryu: Huh? Ryu-kun is Ryu-kun.
Satsuki: Then where the heck did you come from? Are you even Japanese?
Ryu: Who knows~? I'm from... ✨SPACE✨! Probably! Ahahahaa!
Satsuki: Hey!
Ryu: One favor, one question! Ryu-kun is Ryu-kun. That will be all!
Satsuki: --!
Reo: Come on... monkey boy asked the question so badly that he was able to dodge answering it completely!
Hokusai: ... [heh] What's done is done. Let's be more careful next time.
Ryu: Next! Let's go~!
*
Restaurant Owner: [in broad comedy foreign person accent] Alright! Thank you for waiting! Here is your Super Ultra-Spicy Curry Triple Tornado Death Mode Special Eating Challenge for two!
Satsuki: ... just being that close to it is making my eyes water...
Hokusai: ... I can't see anything in the dish except a mess of red...
Reo: Good luck, you guys!
Satsuki: Wait, you little shit! Why aren't you taking the challenge!?
Reo: Because I'm bad with spicy food, duh! And, I just ate Raimentei, so I'm still full!
Satsuki: Hah? What kind of excuse is th--!?
Restaurant Owner: If you eat it all within 30 minutes, you'll win a lovely prize!
Ryu: YAY~! Gotta win that prize!
Shiki: Ryu-kun, are you sure you're not asking too much of them...
Restaurant Owner: Your time begins now! Ready? Go!
[sfx: starting bell]
[sfx: Satsuki eating, having the worst time of his life]
Satsuki: Dammit...! I'm shit with spicy food, too...!
[sfx: Hokusai eating]
Satsuki: Huh? Hokusai!?
Hokusai: ... mm. ... hm?
Satsuki: Are you... okay...?
Hokusai: Spicy.
Satsuki: "Spicy", he says...
Reo: Come on! If you don't get a move on you'll run out of time!
Satsuki: You think I don't know that, right?! I just gotta eat it, right!?! Then I'll eat it!! Let's go!!
Ryu: Good luck! Namaste! Shove it all in your mouth! The Taj Mahal is in your throat! The more you eat, the more you'll get addicted!
[sfx: Satsuki and Hokusai eating, wheezing, coughing, clearly having a terrible time]
Ryu: Spice continues even as you push through, swelling, pushing, and all for Ryu-kun's amusement~! Here! Shiki, you too!
Shiki: Uh? Me...? ... uh... um... Travelling through the scarlet swamps of hell, the only savlation is the prize at the end, but that's fine, no pain, no gain, keep advancing your spoon-
Reo: Clear your plate and become a hero! Rise up hotter than the sun from east to west, yo, take it, shop owner!
Restaurant Owner: Finish it all and you'll be a Krishna! This curry shop's #1 fantasista! Cinnamon, cumin, and coriander, lick your spoon clean and the whole shop thanks you!
Reo and Ryu: Yay!
Restaurant Owner: Yay!
[sfx: spoon clattering]
Hokusai: [sigh] ... I quit.
Shiki and Reo: Eh!?
Satsuki: H--hophuthai... you...
Hokusai: I'm sorry. Step over my dead body. Keep advancing. [flop]
Reo: Sacchan! Now is your time to prove you're a man!
Satsuki: Ah? Aauauauauah!
[sfx: end bell ringing]
Restaurant Owner: Congratulations!
Satsuki: [laughsobbing]
Shop Owner: For you, our most esteemed customer, please enjoy this special prize on the house! It is a curry fairy figurine that I, the owner, have put my heart and soul into crafting!
Ryu: YEAAAAH!!!
Satsuki: [unintelligible]
Ryu: Yep! You got it! It's soooo cute! Fairy of Curry, I love love love you!
Reo: Wooow, it's reaaaaally cute... ... so I'll be asking you the question this time.
Ryu: Yep!
Reo: Maou, before you met up with the rest of TCW, where were you, and what were you doing?
Ryu: Hmm... lemme see... a biiig house with bright white walls! Lots of different people played with me.
Reo: Hah?
Ryu: Or maybe it was the other way around, and Ryu-kun was the one playing with them? Hmm... which was it? [laughs]
Shiki: Ryu-kun...?
Ryu: Beepbeep! Beepbeepbeepbeep! Oh! New orders have arrived from headquarters! Everyone, at attention! We're on to the next mission! GO!
*
[sfx: walking]
Ryu: Kitty, kitty, kittycat on the road! Turn and wiggle and go round and round!
Satsuki and Reo: [panting]
Satsuki: For real, how much stamina does this dude have?
Reo: Hokusai... when you take walks with Maou... is it always like this? We've been... cutting through backyards... and rooftops...
Hokusai: ... heh. It's the path a kitty takes, after all.
Ryu: Round and round! Round and round! Getting stuck places and into trouble!
Shiki: Ryu-kun...
Ryu: Hm~?
Shiki: Do you intend to... keep going... past here?
Ryu: Sure~!
Shiki: Um... can we... stop? It's... a bit dangerous around here, and...
Satsuki: Hah! What, are you gettin' scared just because we're close to the slums? Don't worry. We're here as your backup.
Shiki: Th-- that's... that's not why I...
Satsuki: I mean, yeah, you look like an easy target. Like it'd be super easy to mug you or something.
Reo: But more to the point, what are we being asked to do this time?
Ryu: Hah! A test of courage!
Satsuki and Reo: A test of courage!?
Shiki: --!
Ryu: OooooOoooOooH! A ghost will show up! I can see it now! It's over in that high rise building!
Shiki: --! Aaaggh...!
Satsuki: Wh-what's the matter, Shiki? Why're you suddenly curling up on yourself!?
Hokusai: Are you okay? Are you hurt?
Shiki: [strangled noises of pain, sobbing]
Ryu: Shikki!?
Reo: This is bad. He's gonna hyperventilate like this.
Hokusai: Alright. I'll carry him on my back. Let's get out of here.
*
Hokusai: Here. Water.
Shiki: Ah... thank you...
Reo: How are you doing? You calmed down a bit?
Shiki: Yeah... I'm... I'm fine. I'm sorry... that probably came out of nowhere...
Ryu: Boohoo... is this Ryu-kun's fault...?
Shiki: A-ah! No, it's not your fault at all, Ryu-kun... it's mine... it's because I... I'm a coward...
Satsuki: You say that, but I think there's like an upper limit on how much that should've scared you...
Shiki: Huh?
Satsuki: I mean... you're just scared of ghosts, right? That's why you freaked? I mean, I'm not a fan of haunted places and shit like that, either.
Reo: Hehehe! Satsuki-chan, you're a classic yankii gangster type, but you're scared of ghosts~?
Satsuki: I- I'm not scared!! I just don't like things I can't punch!!
Reo: Ahaha! He's got a fierce face, but he's scared of little ghosties! Just like a little kid! Game over!
Satsuki: Hey! Shut the fuck up, you little shit! If you're gonna play like that, then stop fronting!
Hokusai: ... heh. Closing in in secret with bared fangs and no giveaways, quiet steps, stealthy steps, look over your shoulder-- [blowing air]
Satsuki: AHUAUGH! Hokusai!! Blowing air on my neck is cheating!!
Hokusai: Heheh.
Ryu: Ahahah! Suddenly it turned into a comical rap! Wrap it up and put it in the microwave! Adlibbing almost like a rockabilly style, ducking in and out of the alleyway all the way down~! Yeah!
Satsuki and Reo: Yeah!
Hokusai: [slow clapping] Yeah.
Satsuki and Reo: [laughing]
Shiki: ... [laughs]
Hokusai: I'm glad you finally laughed, Shiki.
Shiki: ... ah... yeah...
*
Shiki: I guess we'll be parting ways here...
Ryu: Beepbeepbeep! Being ordered to return to home base! Then! Good-bye-for-noooooooow! Beepbeepbeepbeebeebeebeep! Zoom!
Hokusai: Byebye.
Reo: Man... that Maou really commits to the bit to the very end.
Satsuki: [screams]
Reo: What?
Satsuki: We... completely failed at the investigation mission that aniki sent us on...!
Reo: ... ah.
Satsuki: Even though we had the chance to ask him directly... what are we supposed to do, Hokusai!?
Hokusai: ... Ryu is a kind boy.
Satsuki: Is that all we got...?
Hokusai: But he's also... a little lonely.
Reo: Lonely? Are we talking about the same Maou?
Hokusai: Mm. He's connected to everyone... but he can't connect with anyone. Ryu's... lonely, like a stray cat is lonely. But... he's a wonderful boy.
Satsuki: ... ah, that's no help. It's poetic and all, but that doesn't really count as investigation...
Reo: ... well, for now, we should get in touch with aniki.
Satsuki: Yeah...
[sfx: phone calling]
Reo: Ah, hello, Aniki? Yeah, it's me. We've wrapped up our investigation of you-know-what!