Paradox Live Opening Show -Road to Legend- - GokuLuck
[sfx: crowd noises]MC: [as though over an intercom speaker] And the winner is, Tosa Ryoga, aka, MC Pitbull!
Ryoga: [over speaker] What a pain in the ass. There's nothing left for me to prove. Haven't you got anyone better to throw at me?!
[sfx: crowd cheering]
Ryoga: [heavy sigh]
*
Kenta: Wow, everyone here really suuuuucks! What do they think they're going to accomplish coming at you with that kind of skill level?
Ryoga: Hm.
Mob 1: I expect nothing less from King Ryoga!
Mob 2: Your prison rap is the greatest!
Mob 1: Ryoga-san! You get first dibs on dinner tonight!
Mob 3: We brought beer, too!
Mob 4: And cigarettes!
Shion: Ehh, you guys are really loud... if you're done rubbernecking, could you hurry up and get lost?
Mob 1: Yes, of course, right away, Shion-san!
Kenta: What the hell've you been up to, Shion.
Shion: Hmm... how about I tell you when you're older, shibaken?[1]
[sfx: footsteps]
Kenta: ... dammit.
[sfx: whistle blowing]
Prison Guard: Hey, you over there! The big one! What the hell do you have there? ... Booze? Cigarettes? And this is way more food than you're supposed to have!
Kenta: What's this NPC's deal?
Shion: I've never seen him... must be new here?
[sfx: keyboard tapping]
Prison Guard: And you! What are you doing?
[sfx: keyboard tapping unabated]
Prison Guard: Is that a computer!? You're really typing up a storm, aren't you?
Kenta: Didn't anyone tell you I get special treatment here? Don't you even know that much? Don't get any headass ideas about lumping me in with the fucking rabble, you low-grade cannon-fodder NPC.
Prison Guard: There's no preferential treatment for prisoners! Hand it over!
[sfx: fist on table]
Kenta: Pounding your fists on the table and throwing a fit– are you some kind of fucking chimpanzee? Go tuck yourself back into bed, monkey boy, you can come at me after you've evolved enough to sit with the humans.
Shion: Don't poke the bear, shibaken. He probably just showed up without knowing how things work around here.
Prison Guard: What!?
Shion: He doesn't know the first thing about how prison rap works, it seems. Around here, there's a hierarchy, where the strongest rappers sit at the top, and everyone else is below them on the pecking order.
Prison Guard: Does it look like I give a shit about that!?
Kenta: Try your veeery bestest to keep up with the changing times, old timer![2]
Prison Guard: Human trash like you don't get to talk like that! At attention, get ready for punishment!
Kenta: Why the fuck would I take orders from a chimpanzee? Oi, Shion. You go ahead and take it in my place.
Shion: Pass.
Prison Guard: You, white-hair, get the fuck out of the way! And you! Giant! I haven't heard shit from you! Come on, speak up!
Ryoga: ... 'nnoying.
Prison Guard: Hah!? I can't hear you! You've got a small voice for such a big-ass giant! I said speak up!
Ryoga: [shifting] Annoying.
Prison Guard: Hah?
Ryoga: Sh– sh– shut your damn mouth!
[sfx: Ryoga punching the guard's lights out]
Shion: Well, I suppose that's what you get.
Kenta: wwwww[3], do you think we ought to put up a Beware of Dog sign?
Prison Guard: You bastards, you've got a lot of balls acting like this even though you're prisoners–! [gurgling]
[sfx: whistle]
Yuto: Hey, hey, what's going on!? ... eh?! Tosa-kun, what are you doing!?
Kenta: You can tell just by looking, right? King Tosa-chama is just doing his duty, shit-guard.
Yuto: No, nonono, this is bad, you can't! This isn't good, please, stop, if you could– Please? Pretty please...?
Ryoga: Hrgh!
[sfx: prison guard getting strangled]
Yuto: Oh, god, his face is turning blue! Tosa-kun, could you please let go! I'm begging you, please, could you please just let go? Hey? Please?
[sfx: prison guard being released, trying to catch his breath]
Yuto: Um... are you alright? Ah, here, you can use this handkerchief to clean yourself up, if you like–
Prison Guard: Get your damn hands off of me! What the fuck is wrong with them!?
Yuto: I'm so sorry for their misbehavior, I'll give them a real talking-to later... he doesn't intend to be mean, so if we could all just find a way to get along...
Kenta: Another A+ defense from Inukai!
Yuto: Mikoshiba-kun, you're not helping! Ah, seriously, why is it always that if it isn't one thing it's another with you three... ah...
Shion: Fufu... if you're feeling stressed, would you like me to show you a way to relax?
Yuto: N-no, that's quite alright... ah, that's right. Tosa-kun, Kaida-kun, Mikoshiba-kun, I had something I needed to talk to you three about. Could you come with me?
*
[sfx: door closing]
Yuto: Let's see... the thing I wanted to talk to you about...
Ryoga: It's about the Paradox Live.
Yuto: Ah? How did you know?
Kenta: Ha! All the plebs were out there talking shit about us, but we mopped up the qualifying rounds, EZ.
Yuto: Eh, I wouldn't say it was that easy...
Kenta: Hah?
Yuto: No, no, no, I'm not talking about our skill level... it's just that we need approval from the higher ups to participate in the Paradox Live, and it's been a real run-around getting everything sorted...
Shion: Mmm. Just because anyone with a phantometal is welcome to participate, that doesn't mean that prisoners can just waltz on out of the prison and into the venue to perform at our leisure, right?
Yuto: Exactly! I worked really hard...
Kenta: Whoop-dee-doo for you.
Shion: Mm. I don't really care about Inukai's plight either, but I'll admit it felt good to be onstage today.
Kenta: Well, it's a way to kill time, isn't it? Our rap will make those plebs shrivel up and die, we're that good! w
Ryoga: I...
Shion: Mm?
Ryoga: I can't... make words good... but... if I'm rapping... then I can convey my thoughts as much as I want.
Shion: Fufu. And on top of that, there's all kinds of cute girls outside the walls of this prison. Very exciting.
Kenta: You fucking horndog[4]. Don't even start, get your mind out of the gutter.
Ryoga: ... by the way. O-our first matchup. Wh-who is it?
Kenta: Ah? Oh, GokuLuck's first stage battle opponent? Sec, lemme Google that for you.
[sfx: typing]
Kenta: Aah... Ah, here they are. These dudes? ww
[sfx: typing]
Kenta: It says it's some dudes namedddd... Akan Yatsura.
Ryoga: – !
Shion: Mmm?
Yuto: That's right, we had to get back before curfew, so we missed out on the announcement, didn't we... Ah! But I have a former colleague in Akan Yatsura! I wonder how he's holding up?
Kenta: Holy shit, no1curr! Nobody wants to hear about your personal life, Inukai, you fucking yappy lapdog![5]
Yuto: What's with that nickname...?
Kenta: Strike one.
Yuto: Ah, don't be like that...
Kenta: Strike two.
Ryoga: ... A-Akan... Y-yatsura?
Shion: I heard they've got a great sense of camaraderie with each other. Their selling point is really the strength of their bonds, isn't it?
Kenta: "The strength of their bonds"? What kind of horseshit is that? Sounds fake as fuck to me, it makes me sick. All that shit about relationships with other people is a total load.
Yuto: There you go off on that again... oh! By the way, Kaida-kun, you mentioned not feeling well on the way back... Are you doing alright now?
Shion: Eh? Were you worried about little old me? How kind of you.
Yuto: Of course I was worried! As a prison guard, it's my responsibility to be aware of the state of all of my charges, isn't it?
Shion: [sigh] What a straight-laced answer, Inukai... it's just that the way people look at me when I'm out there... if you look even the slightest bit different, they turn such a harsh eye on you, staring, staring, staring... it makes me want to take matters into my own hands.
Kenta: It's not worth the effort, Shion. Everyone out there, their opinions don't matter for shit. Having any expectations of them is just a waste of time.
Ryoga: That's why.
Shion, Kenta, Yuto: Huh?
Ryoga: That's why we're going to be the ones who win. I-i-it'll be our victory. We... we wanted to prove our existence. That's why we came together and started rapping as GokuLuck. And soon, we'll take the crown from everyone who's looked down on us until now.
Kenta: No shit. There's no other possible outcome! ww
Shion: Fufu. How exciting. I wonder how those people who turned up their noses at us would look at us if we won.
Yuto: Ah... by the way, about that thing I needed to talk to you all about...
Shion: Oh, that's right, that's why you gathered us, isn't it?
Yuto: Right... um... we have a place of residence lined up for you to stay in that's close to the venue for the stage battles. We have some civilian clothes for you, so if you could pack up your belongings...
Kenta: Better be a real fuckin' nice place.
Yuto: Erm... I don't know how to say this, but because you'll all be staying together, you won't have a lot of room... you'll have two bunk beds...
Kenta: Hah? You expect us to just go along with that!?
Yuto: I was hoping you would...
Kenta: Hah? Stop fucking yanking our chains, Inukai, how damn useless can you be?
Yuto: – !
Shion: Oh? Well, that's not good.
Yuto: [deep breath] ... 'useless', was it?
[sfx: beating]
Kenta: Hah?
Yuto: You'd best start learning your place here.
Kenta: Hey, you're the one who doesn't get what's going on here– hgck!
[sfx: beating]
Yuto: What was that? You don't get to talk back. I said you'd best start learning your place.
[sfx: tight grip]
Kenta: Shit, that hurts!
Yuto: Maybe I should break your fingers? So you can't waste all your time on that laptop of yours.
Kenta: –! Fine, it was m-my bad! Let's leave my fingers out of this, alright?
[sfx: release]
Kenta: [hissed] Shit, don't just come out of nowhere like that...
Yuto: Did you say something?
Kenta: ... no, I didn't say anything.
Yuto: Tosa, Kaida, train your puppy. If you pull this kind of shit again, I'll see you fuckers fry.
[sfx: footsteps]
Shion: ... well, well, it's been a while since you've done something like that, isn't it, shiba ken? I'm really impressed you made it out in one piece.
Kenta: Who asked you!
Ryoga: Inukai... just... does that... sometimes...
Kenta: What kind of clown shit is it for him to change on a dime just because I called him useless? What a fucking freak!
Shion: He's like a completely different person when he's performing, too... well. Looks like we'll need to make peace with each other, since we'll be in real close quarters starting tomorrow.
Kenta: What a pain... whatever, let's take a look at this two-bunk-bed place...
[sfx: typing]
Kenta: Geh... They really cheaped out! This is all we're getting!? This is hardly an upgrade from the shit we've got now! They could have at least ponied up for a five star hotel or something! Fuck's sake!
*
[sfx: prison yard clamor]
Mob 1: Wreck their shit, GokuLuck!
Mobs: King! King! King! King!
Ryoga: ...! Get out of my way!
Mob 2: Good luck, have fun!
Yuto: Ah... are you all... ready to go?
Shion: I'm always ready to go~
Kenta: I'm good, but I'm not watching anyone's ass but my own. Use your brains at least a little bit.
Yuto: Ah...? My apologies...
Ryoga: Let's go. Anyone who thinks they can match up to our rap, bring it on!
[0] I am not at this or any time taking notes on how I write Kenta's dialogue, thanks for your understanding.
[1] This is a joke on how Kenta's full name is Mikoshiba Kenta, 'shiba ken' being another way to refer to the shiba inu dog breed. Because "shiba ken" is also a recognized name for the breed in English, I've left this nickname as-is.
[2] he's literally making fun of the prison guard for being tech-illiterate and thus behind the times
[3] "w" is basically the equivalent of "lol" in terms of JP netspeak, and I'm using it to communicate Kenta's awful hyena laugh.
[4] 色ボケ just means "someone who's too preoccupied with sex", but I could not pass up the chance to make this joke.
[5] This is a play on Yuto's name that doesn't translate, so I didn't try, but he calls Yuto "飼い犬 犬飼", "kaiinu inukai", literally "pet dog Inukai",