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Natsume Yodaka Character Novel: Ten Nights of Dreams

Chapter 1: The First Night

I had a dream like this: ^[0]

In my dream, I was a tree. I was the lone tree standing in a small gully.

"..."

I was a tree, so of course, I could not speak. I could only wave my branches and leaves in the blowing wind. I could barely move my eyes... but I suppose I didn't even have eyes; but I could, at least, see my immediate surroundings. So I cast my gaze on the place closest to me, and nestled near my base was a small shrine. I could see some very old torii gates; judging by appearances, they seemed quite poorly maintained, and I couldn't tell to what the shrine was dedicated.
I didn't think that any of this was particularly strange. After all, this was just a dream.

"..."

In dreams, both everything and nothing exists. There's nothing strange about being a tree, and there's ntohing strange about a shrine. And so, I was thinking about what I should do.

"...?"

Just then, a man walked up the stone steps beyond the torii gate. He was dressed in a kimono with an obi, the kind of thing a commoner might wear in the Edo period. The man stood in front of the shrine, and with a serious expression on his face (a face that I felt I had seen before), he made his prayer.

"I want to see that person again." He spoke clearly and with a feverous zeal.

He visited every day, always in the middle of the night; it was as though he didn't want to be seen by anybody else, as if performing a sacred rite that must not be witnessed by another person. I continued to watch this every day. Nobody but that man ever visited here; I couldn't help but pay witness to this ritual.

The ritual continued uninterrupted for a hundred days. And it was only then that I realized what he was doing-- a hundred-prayer pilgrimage^[1]. There was a folk practice that if you prayed to the gods and to the Buddha for a hundred days without missing a single day, then your wish would be granted.

"I want to see..."

I can't know what that man was thinking, but after watching him pray for this long, it was only natural that I would begin to feel for him. I feel like I could understood how painful it was to not be able to see someone that you wanted to meet again.

"..."

In many ways, I was simply an ordinary tree. I had no power to do anything, and no way to answer the man's prayers. The only thing I could do was pray with him. And so...

"Nothing, huh...?"

There was no miracle on the hundredth day; there was only a deserted shrine in the middle of a forest without a soul around for miles. When it sunk in that the man's wish had not been granted, a look of disappointment flashed across his face, but it didn't last; he furrowed his brow and began to mutter to himself. It was as though he had been expecting this.

"Then I'll just have to keep coming for a hundred years instead."

And then a hundred years did indeed pass. Come rain, wind, or snow, the man came to pray every day, and I watched over him.

Sometimes, I wondered who it was that he wanted so badly to see. A family? A friend? Perhaps a lover?

I think it must have been a lover; his gaze was always ablaze with the fire of love. A hundred years of waiting for the person he lvoed only added to the fire and made it burn brighter.

Nobody noticed and there was no fanfare when the man died; but even when his body had rotted away and only his soul remained, he came to pray at the shrine.

And so, it was exactly a hundred years later to the day.

A little before the time the man usually came... a woman arrived.

"..."

She was dressed in pure white. Her eyes were downcast and she looked sad; but at the same time, her expression seemed somehow serene. The woman said something in a voice so quiet I could not hear it, and she placed a white lily down on the shrine. It felt like a sign of love, or a new promise.

She said nothing else. She turned her eyes to the night sky for just a moment, and then she disappeared with the wind, as though she was melting away into the air.

"Ah..."

And at that moment, the man who had been comning to pray for a hundred years climbed the mossy stone stairs up to the top, and--

***

"Hah...!"

"Oh, you awake?"

"..."

"You're a real sleepy one, ain't you, Boss~?"

Yuda was peering at my face.

"Ah... I see, the white lily must have been the manifestation of that woman... I'm sure that's who he had been waiting..."

"Manifestation? What's with that, you have a dream about some kind of monster or something?"

"No, it was a lily..."

"A lily monster?"

Yuda was completely misunderstanding, but I didn't feel like correcting him. After all, as far as he was concerned, it was just a dream that his sleepy barkeep had been having.

"... if I were a flower, what kind of flower do you think I'd be?"

"Hmm... dunno. Maybe being a rose would suit you. Why? You planning on turning into a flower anytime soon?"

"Unfortunately... no."

"You don't say?"

While Yuda laughed incredulously...

I'm sure I'll be the one waiting a hundred years.

I found myself daydreaming that the white lily had brought the man happiness.

[0] This is the same way that every piece in Natsume Souseki's Ten Nights of Dreams (Yumejuuya) begins.
[1] We don't really have a discrete term for this in English, but as he explains, the idea is that if you pray a hundred times (either in a row or every day) then your wish will come true.

Chapter 2: The Second Night

"Oh?"

I had thought it was hard to move, but it turned out that I was wearing a Berkut space suit. When I realized this, I was momentarily stunned. I knew that this was a very retro space suit -- the style used for the first-ever spacewalk -- but I could not fathom why I was wearing one.

"Ah... that's it."

I remembered. I was inside of a spaceship. Just now, I had come to search for Yuda on orders from the captain of the ship. A space-time warp was imminent; we had to show the radar equipment, which we used for debris detection, back in the bridge.

Yuda and me.

"... ah, yes, that's right... And, Yuda is..."

With the task I had to accomplish in mind, I flew my way around the ship, looking for Yuda. After a few minutes of floating around in weightlessness, I found Yuda safe and sound in the cargo hold, but--

"..."

The stars shimmered in the dark outside the window. Yuda was holding his hands together for some reason as he looked out at space.

"Why are you praying in a place like this? We need to get to work right away."

Yuda turned around and spoke with excitement in his voice. "Oh, Boss! Nah, you're right on time, it's just about to happen~!"

"What's about to happen?"

"Ah, man, have you already forgotten? Today's the Buddha's Throne Meteor Shower!"

Buddha's throne...? I didn't recognize any of what he was saying, so though I had been moving forward, I came to a halt.

"Ah, come on, why're you looking like that...? Surely you know what I'm talking about, right? It's an event that only happens every hundred years!"

"Event..."

"Legend has it if you make a wish before one hundred of them fly by, your wish will come true. And today's the day!"

"I see... is that so?"

"Surely you remember how much everyone back on Earth is totally looking forward to it~. So never mind the warp, just go get a wooden fish^[2]. And some prayer beads, too, if you've got 'em."

Hmm, I wondered whether or not we really had something like that on board the ship... even though I'd never heard of any legend like that, but Yuda said it so definitively. Maybe I was just being influenced by him, but it felt true, and I felt like I had to see what it was all about.

And then...

"Here it comes~!!" Yuda cried out in joy.

Peering out, I saw something bright floating by in the pitch blackness of space...

"A Buddha?"

"Sure is!"

What appeared to be a cluster of Buddha statues carved out of wood flew through space, posed in mudras of nirvana and meditation. I had no idea where they were getting the propulsion they needed to fly through the vaccuum of space, but regardless, they moved together in rows as though seated together in a car, arranged as though forming the Taizokai Mandala.

"The shining divine Buddhas out in the emptiness of space! This is awesome!"

"I suppose... it's not that bad after all."

"Enlightenment means being one with the universe, yeah? So you could say that enlightenment is the same thing as nothingness."

"I wonder."

"Here, go on and pray. And don't forget to make a wish, too~."

"Understood. Namu... will Namu Abida Butsu^[3] suffice?"

"I think anything will work, probably? As long as it's not an amen."

That was a bit too vague for my liking. I tought that the specific denomination was very important. But didn't the Buddha -- the same Buddhas now flying by their archaic smiles^[4] -- seek to eliminate such anxiety and hesitation from the hearts of all living things? Joining together as one, like the Zeta Reticuli^[5].

"Glad we had a chance to see this."

"It is... yes, I certainly agree. It is a very special experience to have."

"By the way, what'd you wish for?"

"That is a secret."

I was absolutely very grateful. It was a beautiful sight to behold... but...

To be completely honest, I thought it might be a little unnerving to fly through space. I didn't want to say that to Yuda, who was beaming with delight.

"If my wish really does come true somehow..."

I don't think I'll ever attain enlightenment at this rate.

"... that person again..."

Thinking about this, I continued my Namu Amida Butsu, as if urged along by Yuda...

Ding...

***

"Ah...!"

I was roused from my sleep by a bell-like sound.

"Good morning, Boss."

"Oh, Chou Un's timer was on? If you'd have told me, I could've woken you up."

Chou Un and Yuda were peering at my face.

That's right, I had set an alarm with Chou Un before I went to sleep... no, it was more than that.

"What about the Buddha's Throne... meteor shower?"

"Huh?"

"In the distant stars... forming another mandala..."

As soon as I spoke, Yuda's eyes fell half-lidded. It was funny how immediate it was.

"Boss, you're mistaking your dreams for reality again."

"That certainly seems the case."

"Yuda... you wanted a wooden fish... and some prayer beads, too..."

"I dunno what's going on, but do you want to read sutras or something?"

"I have a recording of the heart sutra on file."

Yuda shrugged his shoulders in resignation, and Chou Un shook his body as though he were laughing. So I laughed, too. Come to think of it, I couldn't remember at all what it was that I had wished for.

For now, I put that thought aside.

[2] The carved woodblock fish used as bells or chimes for ritual purposes; see Wikipedia.
[3] Basically a prayer. Specifically it's a ritualized repetition of the name of Amitabha and is very specific to one sect of Buddhism. The point of this and the lines after it are that Yodaka is asking if he can do a prayer from one specific type of Buddhism, and Yuda saying that as long as it's not an amen (as in, as long as it's not a Christian prayer) then it should be fine.
[4] The archaic smile is a specific thing in sculpture in archaic Greece. I just want to make clear that I'm not just choosing a weird word for its own sake, it is the specific phrasing used.
[5] A binary star system.

Chapter 3: The Third Night

"Hah... hah... hh..."

I gasped like I was desperate for breath, and I could swear there was the faint scent of blood mixed into the humid air. Not far from where I was, the battle continued to rage on, on the northern shore of Chao Hu.

"Hah... h..."

I was clad in heavy armor, carrying somebody on my back, and I was trudging forward off of the path. Every time I took a step, the arrow wound in my shoulder pained me terribly; but the person on my back was a dear comrade who shared my ambitions. I couldn't let him down now.

"Hah... hh... nn..."

This was the battle of Hefei, in the late Han dynasty of ancient China. I had barely escaped with my life from the battlefield where the forces of Wei and Wu^[6] were fighting, carrying my injured comrade with me. Some may accuse me of being shameful, for turning my back on my enemies; but I simply couldn't accept that the right thing to do would be to let my friend be killed like this. Just then, what seemed to me to be the right thing to do was instead to survive and to live to clear my name someday.

In the depths of the forest, growing ever more humid, the stagnant darkness was so deep that I could not hear the sound of insects or the cries of owls. I moved forward, guided by the sole light that was shining somewhere in the far distance. I continued to trudge my exhausted legs forward without a clear destination.

"We're... almost there. We'll reach the village soon. And once we get there..."

I spoke over my shoulder to the man on my back. He didn't reply, but I'm sure he heard me. I wanted to reassure him, if nothing else. But...

"..."

For some reason... I felt as though the man on my back was growing heavier and heavier. It was like the life was slipping out of his body, and being replaced instead with the hevy water from the air around us.

"Are you alright? Stay with me."

"..."

"Hang in there. When we get to the village, you'll get your salary and a hot meal, and a soft place to sleep."

"..."

No reply. In fact, he was so quiet that I was worried that he might already be dead; I couldn't shake that fear.

I could only think that I had to help him. But what should I do? Should I take him off of my back and check on the condition of his wounds? No-- I didn't have any time to waste. I couldn't be sure that there wasn't anyone following us. The best I could do was to stop for a moment to check and make sure he was breathing...

"...?"

But before that--

He... who was he...?

For some reason, it just occurred to me then.

He was my comrade... I was sure of it, but... I couldn't remember his face.

The sound of armor scraping.

Why was I carrying this man on my back?

The sound of footsteps on dead grass.

The anser was because he was my dear comrade... but was he really? Because I had no memory of this man at all. I didn't know how we had fought, I didn't know how I had saved him-- I didn't even know for sure whether the light ahead really was a village at all.

"I don't remember."

Was the man on my back even in this state because he had been on the battlefield at all?

"... there is no village. I've been dead for a long time."

"--!!"

A lukewarm breath, from somewhere close to my ear.

"Or did you forget again?"

"... who are you?"

The man grew heavier and heavier. It was as though everything inside of him had long been replaced with heavy water.

"Guess you forgot, huh?"^[7]

At long last, I could finally walk no further.

"... h..." I collapsed to my knees and knelt on the spot.

"We have nowhere to run to and no future to go back to-- isn't that right?"

Ah, I see.

"No future... to go back to."

That was right. Surely, that was the weight of the sins I had committed.

"Aah..."

I'm sorry, Yuda.

"Yodaka-san, you really are..."

I really am... sorry. Yuda.

***

"Haah...!"

"Alright, alright, gooood mornin'."

"Yu...!"

Yuda was peering at my face, and I jerked upright and grabbed him by the shoulders.

"Whoa, what's going on!?" Yuda pulled a face and hissed owowowowow, but I didn't care.

"You're alive... thank goodness..."

"What's up? You have another weird dream or something? Don't just go around killing me off all willy nilly, okay~?"

"Maybe I was the one who killed you... maybe that was..."

"Huh?" Yuda looked confused at first, but his face suddenly turned unreadable and he fell silent.

I finally remembered that my dream was only a dream, and I patted my own chest in relief. "I'm sorry. I suppose I was just mixing up dreams and reality again. ... it really was just a dream."
I expected him to just laugh it off like usual, but Yuda...

"I wonder about that." The corners of his mouth curled a little bit.

I couldn't figure out what Yuda felt, or what he meant by that.

"I'm sure you'll forget about your sins soon enough."

"Hm?"

And then it all ended without any further incident, just like it did every day.

"Nothiii~ng!"

There was a little sharpness to it, some barbs in his voice, a slight tint of sarcasm.

"I'm sure it's nothing to worry about~. Well! It's about time to close up shop~"

"..."

In the end, without any other way to properly respond, all I could do was smile vaguely.

[6] Cao Wei and eastern Wu, two of the dynastic states of Three Kingdoms period China. This means he's actually incorrect, because this would be Three Kingdoms and not Han dynasty, but there's also a different battle of Hefei that did take place in the Han dynasty, and of my god I've had to do so much frantic googling
[7] He talks in the very specific way that Yuda does.

Chapter 4: The Fourth Night

"We're in the Sengoku era-- the age of treasure hunting is upon us! Professor Yodaka!"

"We're a bit late for the Sengoku era, but otherwise, true."^[8]

My assistant, who had a treasure map gripped tightly in one hand, was laughing innocently, so I couldn't help but laugh too. Together and with torches gripped tightly in hand, we had just entered a cave in Egypt, searching for the historical record and treasures of the mythical land Atlantis. According to our map, we were fast approaching our goal.

We had to stay focused. This was a profoundly treacherous cave, laden as it was was with dangerous traps.

"Hey, there's a weird button over here."

"Don't push it. You never know what might happen."

"But I'm really curious..."

"Ah--"

Pt-chunk. A spear shot out of the wall right in front of me, nearly grazing me. I looked behind me and saw my assistant standing there, scratching their head, winking and sticking their tongue out cheekily.

What was I going to do with that child? It's good -- necessary, even -- for an explorer to be curious, but not so much that you're reckless. But my assistant bowed their head and said they were sorry, that they wouldn't do it again, so I smiled at them and turned back around to face forward, when--

"Look, there's a weird lever!"

"You definitely shouldn't touch it."

"Yeah, definitely."

"There's a good kid."

They didn't seem to be trying their luck a second time, so, relieved, I began to step forward.

"Ah--"

But when I went to move my foot, my toes caught on a taut trip-wire, and then I heard a rather distressing rumbling noise from somewhere far away.

"Professor, there's a huge rock right behind you! It's that classic trap!"

"My apologies. I was telling you off, but then I was the one who set off a trap."

"Is this really the time for that!? Let's get out of here!"

"I'll squeeze in between these walls to get out of the way. Come on, you too, come this way."

"Don't just stand there smiling all sexy-like, get in there, quickly!"

And so it went.

"Whoaaa! This little crevice can't be more than twenty centimeters wide!"

"Give me your hand. Allow me to escort you."

As expected, such a treacherous cave would not be conquered easily.

"There're so many pitfalls!"

"If we fall, we fall together."

Without my assistant there, I probably would have given up much quicker.

"Professor, do you think this could be the artifact that holds the key to the final dungeon?"

"'Final dungeon'?"

"It's the kind of thing you always find at the end of caves like this. It's, like, guaranteed."

But at long last, we reached the final destination of our expedition. We stood in the middle of a large hall, around which were scattered countless liquor bottles, and a drunken old man among them.

"The treasure is just this way... but I wonder if you lot'll be able to reach it... hic..."

He had once been an explorer like us, but he stopped here and was unable to move on; many years had passed since then. We bid the old man farewell, as he wouldn't give us any more hints or information, but right as we were about to move on...

"S-so many snakes!"^[9]

"Yeah, we don't have any antivenom. If we get bitten, we're in big trouble."

These were the guardians protecting the treasure. The snakes were reared up into a battle stance and ready to strike, as if they were trying to keep intruders from going any further.

"If I tie up the tenugui^[10] that my grandfather gave me like so..."

"Whoa, you can twist it up into a whip or nunchucks; that's amazing."

"Let's fight!"

Together with my assistant, who skillfully forged the weapons for me, I made a valiant effort to fight the swarm of cobras, rat snakes, and vipers. But the snakes kept coming one after another, and it was no use. There was no doubt about it-- the situation had become dire.

Just as I was puzzling out what to do, my assistant came running to my side.

"This is a life-or-death situation, but it's fine. This is just a dream, after all."

"Huh? Where's this coming from?"

"We didn't get any treasure, but I had a lot of fun. After all, traveling and having adventures is the best!"

I think that my assistant was smiling innocently. I say I think because their face was a bit blurry, as though it were out of focus in a picture.

"Come on, I'll wake you up!"

"... who are you...?"

"Alright! Good morning!"

***

"Ha...!"

When I awoke, I found that I wasn't in a cave or anything of the sort.

"Good morning. You're really sweating, huh~? Here, have a tenugui."

All of the corn snakes, anacondas, and all manner of other reptiles were all gone as well.

"Atlantis... the land of Mu... Lemuria^[11]... the treasure..."

My assistant was gone as well, fleeting as a popped bubble.

"The expedition, adventure is calling..."

"Is that so? Well, I'm glad you had fun, yeah? So, what treasure were you looking for?"

I was back in the familiar Yumejuuya shop.

"I'm not sure."

"Were you searching for treasure without even knowing what you were looking for~?"

I was so...

"Well, the real treasures are often closer than you think! Like, just for example... me~?"

"Of course. You're a my valued employee and friend, Yuda."

"..."

I felt so strongly that I wanted to see that assistant again, even though I couldn't remember their face.

[8] The reason they have this exchange is because saying that something is the Sengoku era, or the Warring States era, is a figure of speech indicating that there are a lot of self-interested parties involved in, eg, a conflict.
[9] I just want to point out that Yuda's name is written with the kanji for snake. Is this relevant? Great question!
[10] A specific kind of traditional thin hand towel. I was going to translate it as just 'hand towel' but I feel like that gives the wrong idea.
[11] Mu and Lemuria are, like Atlantis, fabled lost continents. I feel this is obvious from context, but just in case you didn't know!

Chapter 5: The Fifth Night

It was the world of the distant future. In this world, I was a prisoner.

I had been accused of a crime. I had commited some kind of felony under the Space-Time Travel Act. I wasn't sure what that was. I didn't know what I had done. Even though I tried to make myself remember, I couldn't.

I've always been like that. Truly important things always end up buried deep in my memory. I struggle, to no avail. I'm always waiting for something, wandering aimlessly like the drifting wreckage of a spacecraft.

"Hey, Boss.. ... no, Yodaka-san."

On the other side of a glass window separating us, sat Yuda. He was looking at me with a somehow distant look on his face. When I looked up, Yuda blinked once and tapped his fingers on the table twice.

"If you don't do something, you're going to be executed. Are you sure about this?"

I didn't really see any other option. If that's what they had decided on, then it was an inevitability.

One more time. I want to see that person just one more time.

... but who?

I can't even remember that much.

"You can't just keep waiting around like this. Come live with me," said Yuda. His tone was like a gentle invitation. It almost sounded like a plea.

But I couldn't nod my head.

"Please. If you take my hand, then I can help you."

Even though I knew that if I took Yuda's hand, then I may be able to escape this paralyzing unease and regret.

"I'll fill in the blanks, your future, for you."

My body would not move.

"Your answer is... alright. I'll wait until the birds sing at the break of dawn."

If that's the case, then I wish the birds would never sing.

"You know... you're really a coward, aren't you, Yodaka-san? Or rather, maybe it's that you're stubborn?"

Ah... in my forgetful brain...

"If you just said so, then I'm sure you could be saved."

I hope that that person's voice can reach there, like a revelation.

***

"Ha...!"

"Cock-a-doodle-doo~ it's morning~! Well, I guess it's still nighttime, but it'll be morning soon, so close enough~"

"..."

"The last customer cleared out while you were sleeping, so it's time to close up shop now, yeah?"

There were no customers inside of Yumejuuya. The only thins there were the faint scent of alcohol and the aroma of the flowers that Nagi had brought. Chou Un was playing classic jazz that filled up every empty corner of the room.

"By birds... you probably meant roosters, right..."

"Well, if you want to get up, there's nothing better than a crowing rooster to do the job."

"I had been expecting quite a different bird."

"Would you have preferred a better impression of a cock-a-doodle-doo? You were just having another weird dream."

I laughed a little. I couldn't deny that much.

"This time I was in the future."

"... were you, now?"

For a moment, Yuda was at a loss for words and he bit his lip with concern, but then his face brightened up and he returned to normal after just a moment.

"I basically never dream, y'know. It must be nice to have so many interesting dreams."

That may be true. Some people may think that it's lovely to have such a variety of experiences in your dreams. But sometimes, I'm not so sure about that.

What's reality and what's a dream? There's a lot of empty space in my head. The future and the past always both pass me by like flowing water, never staying in one place.

"If this is a dream and that's reality... then I wonder if that might be the case..."

Yuda blinked once and tapped his fingers on the table twice. "Ah, well, who can say? It's up to you to decide which is which, isn't it, Yodaka-san?"

"... that may be true."

"Which one do you think you're in right now? A dream, or reality?"

Yuda was laughing as he said that, but once again, I couldn't find it in me to nod my head.

"Being bad at making choices is another one of my bad habits."

Whenever I wake up, the boundary between reality and my dreams is always a little blurred. In the space between the two worlds, I'm always caught between memory and forgetting.

Dreams that feel like reality, and reality that feels like I'm dreaming.

Life is but a dream.

I don't know which I prefer just yet.

End